I am

slightly broken but I can be repaired. Some moments it's easier, some moments I forget, some moments it's hard.
I know it meant nothing but at certain moments, all the hopes and fantasies you pin onto this one person comes flooding back.

I wish every encounter only lasted one night. That way every encounter would be perfect. It wouldn't end in tears.

Journaling

Apparently journaling is a habit of intelligent and productive people. So in an effort to be intelligent and productive I will attempt to journal.

I used to be rather committed to this journal business. When I was younger I had a lot of thoughts and feelings that I felt needed to be committed to paper. More importantly I had a lot of time.

As I've grown older these thoughts and feelings still exist but they just merely pass me by. At least I think they still do.. I don't remember because I haven't recorded them.

Another habit I find useful is journaling on holiday. Not obssessive journaling to the extent that you miss the sunset/big elephant but journaling for 10-15 minutes at the end of the day. I find sometimes it helps me relive the holiday more than pictures do. I mean regardless of how you're feeling at that particular moment in time people are always smiling in pictures aren't they?

So yes I will try to journal more. Preferably I will buy a nice book and write because I find writing very therapeutic although it does take more time than typing.

Saturday 9th of January: today is a good day. I baked some awesome cheddar bay biscuits. And now I'm going to Ikea.

What is happening to the world?

I watched the 10 o clock news today. A 6 year old kid got shot and died in hospital. A Playboy model got murdered. Last week, an assistant principal from a nearby school was murdered. Two people were shot and killed on New Year's Eve, both by their partners. A pregnant lady was raped in her own apartment several weeks ago. Someone tried to blow up a plane on Christmas Day.

What is happening to the world...most importantly, OUR world?

Was I just too young before or are these the worst times in recent history? Or have I just been watching the news too much?

It makes me feel lucky to be alive. To have made it to the age of 22 unscathed. But it also makes me worried, worried for the people I love and myself, and worried about what's happened to us as a civilization. Is this the world we are doomed to live in.. one where you are always looking over your shoulder, looking out for terrorists, rapists, murderers, and keeping your children from playing in the front yard because there might just be a child molester watching them from across the road.

I really hope not.

The digital cleanse experiment: 7 days

Day 1: easy. I discover stumbleupon.com. I read blogs and learn stuff. I read some fashion forums. Easy stuff

Day 2: getting restless. I've run out of shopping sites to look at. Watch three hours of Degrassi, not sure if this is counter-productive to the point of the whole experiment but I'm keeping with the rules. Really wanna go on pinkisthenewblog

Day 3: I don't have time to get my computer until after lunch so that's half the day done. However there are moments when I feel like tearing my hair out...still no facebook!? The list of people I want to stalk but can't are building up....

End of experiment.
Didn't go on facebook until after lunch, but only more to 'break' the fast if that's what you can call it. I feel like I haven't missed much, more like gained hours over not stalking old friends. Decided if I miss someone I'm going to just send them a message to see how they're doing instead of going through all their pictures and reading their wall posts.

I haven't really done the calling people back instead of texting thing because I haven't used my cell at all in the past week, but I might try it for a week next week.

Sorry FB I'm kinda over you.

A new direction: minimalism

In my bid towards minimalism, I am going to do the 'buy 100 things in 100 days' challenge. I was going to do the 'live on 100 things' challenge but I started an inventory of my things and when I got to 100, realized I had no bags, no underwear and no printer etc etc.

Apparently the buy 100 things is harder than it sounds. We'll see. Today is January 1st and is day 1. The challenge will end on April 10th 2010 if my math is correct.

I bought a pair of Vera Wang earrings today. They were on sale. So..
1. Vera Wang earrings
2. L'oreal compact... i ran out
3. Coach ticket
4. Trader Joe's peanut butter
5. Movie ticket to see Avatar
6. Cookies
7. New earphones for Ipod
8. Storage boxes from Ikea
9. Frozen yogurt from Ikea
10. Song: white lies
11. Water
12. Vogue
13. The Simple Diary.
14. Herbal tea
15. Cranberry tablets
16. Paper
17. Curry
18. Medicine
19. Cheesecake
20. Dinner
21. Lunch
22. Shoes.
23. Club ticket
24. Drinks
25. Crisps
26. Caramel Macchiato
27. Magazine
28. Toothbrush
29. Candle
30. Lunch
31. Cappuccino
32. Dinner
33. Drinks
34. Drinks
35. Bottle of wine
36. Lunch
37. Birthday card.
38. Bag
39. Birthday present.
40. Chips


Note: I will be editing to this post as I go on. Exclusions are food from the grocery store but things like buying coffee from Starbucks and meals out count. I haven't decided how to deal with alcohol, like whether a single drink from a bar counts as one or all drinks on a night count as one.

A rainy day..

I barely left the house today except to go to the cashpoint.

Breakfast: instant noodles with frozen vegetables. Instant noodles are one of these things that are probably really bad for you. I mean who knows what goes into them? A quick read of the nutrition information tells me that a packet of Aldi chicken noodles contains something like 600 calories. 600! This is why I only let myself eat them if I am hungover. Sometimes the night before I even think about wanting to be hungover so that I can eat these instant noodles. Yes, they are that good. I have them with a poached egg ( which is adding more badness to a bowl of bad), or when I feel like I need some nutrients to balance out the alcohol, I add some frozen vegetables when the noodles are cooking away in a bowl of boiling water.

I've tried several different brands of instant noodles. My favorite at the moment is Batchelor's Chicken. ( By the way let me tell you for the first and last time NEVER to have 'curry flavored' noodles. Or Pot Noodles). My housemate claims all the different brands taste the same. I disagree. The Batchelor's one soaks up all the water , giving it a really creamy texture. Aldi would come a close second. I think the Aldi ones are slightly cheaper.

There are some people who will only eat 'real' instant noodles ( if there's such a thing). These are the ones you get in an Asian supermarket and I suppose the flavoring is more authentic. However I find with the Asian noodles, the noodles don't really absorb any water, and you're supposed to drain the water out at the end THEN mix in the flavoring. I don't know. It depends what mood I'm in I guess.

Lunch: two slices of pepper, sweetcorn and mushroom pizza with some salad.
This was leftover pizza from last night. I heated it up in the microwave because I didn't want to clean the oven and grill again because my housemate had just done some heavy duty cleaning. I normally heat my pizza under a grill but my mom always heats it up in the microwave at home. Both ways are equally nice. With the microwave, you get less of a crispy crust and it's more soft and dough-y like freshly made bread. I hate cold pizza. I don't know how people can eat it. I hate most cold food apart from salads/ cold-cut meat. My friend thinks its strange how I nuke my salmon in the microwave for 10 seconds before eating it. She thinks lukewarm salmon is strange whereas I think cold salmon is just.. ugh.

Dinner: chicken kiev with mixed vegetables. Carrot cake from Selfridges Food Hall for dessert.

This is the first time I've had cake from Selfridges. I always walk past it thinking about how nice all the desserts look. However, I'd always thought they'd be ridiculously expensive because...well they're in Selfridges. I realized the other day that they're cheaper than a slice of cake from Starbucks. AND you get a larger slice. So I went for a slice of carrot cake. The slice I got was mega huge and all for 1.80! I have to say the carrot cake did not disappoint. Especially the cream cheese frosting. I normally hate icing/frosting of any kind but this was good! It was just the right amount of sweetness and ended up being my favorite part of the cake. The carrot cake itself was also pretty good, it was less sweet than other versions I've tried, but I think that balances out the sweetness of the icing. The flavors were definitely done so that I didn't feel sick after eating a massive slice. It was also sufficiently moist. I find that moistness is an issue with carrot cake most of the time, and most places tend to make them too dry ( that's you Starbucks' skinny carrot cake). But this one was nice and moist. The only criticism I would make is that they could have had more raisins or something. But that's just me being picky.

What I wore: black 'Rehab is the new Black' t shirt from UO, customized shredded denim skirt, black Forever 21 leggings and UGG boots.

I love my denim skirt. It used to be knee length then I cut it off about four years ago and it's gotten progressively cooler ever since. Part of the denim's starting to wear off giving it an acid-washed look, and the ends are getting more frayed everyday. It just looks so much better than a pre-acidwashed torn denim skirt that you get at Topshop. It is definitely my favorite denim skirt. My most expensive one is one from Levi but it has a strange strap at the back that tends to stick out, so if I'm wearing it under a longer T shirt, it looks like I have a tail. Definitely not a good look. My ex-favorite skirt is one from Mango. I think I just don't like it anymore because it's a size 8 and I'm probably closer to a 10 at the moment so it just gives me a muffin top. Again, not attractive.

I planned my airport outfit today. I'm wearing my black UO t shirt that I wore today again because it's slightly large and so will cover any bloating I get on the plane. I always get really bloated on the plane. This is from eating a lot of food and not moving at all. On the bottom, I'm going to go for my new puffy denim skirt (also UO), leggings and UGGs. If there's one place to wear UGGs, it is definitely mid-air. They are just so comfortable and soft. I once made the mistake of boarding an 11 hour flight wearing shorts and sandals. Remember, just because it was warm where you came from , or where you're flying to does NOT mean it's going to be warm on the plane. Airplane cabins are dark grey cold places. Always wrap up! I'm also going to be taking my black pashmina in case I don't get a blanket.

I don't understand people who think flying gives them an excuse to look their worst. I know we all want to be comfortable but surely if you have well fitting casual clothes, that should be enough? I'm not saying that you should fly wearing a red mini tube dress. But I find a well fitting ( not tight, not size 8 Mango) skirt and t shirt as comfortable as wearing an old ratty hoodie and old ratty trackpants. And it's always nice to give the person picking you up at the other end, something nice to look at.

The start of a new era.......

I originally started off this blog intending to write about fashion. Until I realized a few things. A. I am not a very good fashion blogger. B. With uni work and all, I didn't have enough time to keep up with the various fashion weeks. In short, I was getting out of depth. So I'm going to start again.

I'm going to write about my two passions in life: food and fashion. I love food and I love fashion. I love them both equally. So I am going to talk about food and fashion how I see and experience in on a day to day basis. To put it specifically I'm going to talk about two things: what I ate and what I wore See, that's simple enough.

Yesterday was a good day. It was the end of exams. I love finishing exams in the summer when you walk out of that dreary building with this massive weight off your shoulders, and you get to walk out into the sun. Bright, glorious sun. But I digress.

Breakfast: Peanut butter and jam sandwich.
Lunch: sausage and jalapeno omelette with a side of baked beans at Selly Sausage. There was a lot of toast slathered in butter on the side too. I wiped off the butter because I'm not a big fan of grease then I realized later I shouldn't have bothered because I didn't eat the toast anyway. I'm going for cheese and jalapenos next time because omelettes are never that nice without cheese.

Cappuccino at Caffe Nero. I have become anti-Starbucks recently. Too much milk, too much sugar, barely any coffee. Nero is slightly better, depends on the barista. Proper cappuccino at those small randoml Italian cafes is always better.

Dinner: sole fillets with lemon chevril sauce with a side of garlic prawns and buttered winter vegetables, at Country Girl. This was rather nice although the prawns were a bit small for my liking. The vegetables..leeks and spinach in a butter sauce was lovely. I found the actual sole with the lemon chevril sauce quite bland but then I guess fish wouldn't be a pub specialty. If I wanted a pub specialty I should have picked one of the ten burgers like everyone else. It's just that I'm not a big burger fan. I always take the bread out which people find strange and kinda negates the point of having a burger. I just don't like sandwiched things...sandwiches, baguettes, burgers, wraps... I like my food..what's the word for it....naked.

Managed to put down quite a bit of alcohol..a glass of house white and half a bottle of house red. I've recently changed my stance on alcohol with meals. I used to try and not drink until after the meal so that I could actually enjoy my food without being 'under the influence'. However I had the best meal of my life ( a crab avocado al ferno) with a lovely glass of blush wine and I've been converted ever since. The wine woke my taste buds just so that everything tasted just that much nicer. So now I've decided that ONE glass of wine with a meal is good.

What I wore:
For my presentation: white Abercrombie shirt, grey Dorothy Perkins skirt, brown Topshop tights and blue New Look flats. I had to iron my skirt. I hate ironing. I try to avoid it as much as I can.

For dinner: blue Urban Outfitters dress ( got it in the sale..9.99 down from 58 pounds...bargain!), brown topshop tights, blue New look flats, brown leather jacket and black Topshop quilted bag.

I love my Topshop bag. It goes with everything. It works for both night and day. It's just big enough for day time and small enough for night time. Plus it's kind of both elegant in a young 'It' sort of way. Buy yours here! http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=true&catalogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=74447&parent_category_rn=130031&productId=1099286&langId=-1 I can't seem to load a picture up. They also do it in a grey snakeskin, a pink snakeskin and a plain bright red. I love all of them and I might start a collection. I recommend going for the black first just because it goes with EVERYTHING in your wardrobe.

I love the quilt..obviously the whole bag is very Chanel-inspired. The chain strap is also very elegant..not cheap-looking like some of the other high street chain straps I seem ( ahem, Primark). I've had my bag for about six months and it's lasted quite well so far. The only slight issues were the bit that attaches the chain strap to the bag fell off once so I had to get it superglued in Timpson's. And I always worry that I overstuff my bag and am going to ruin the lock bit at the front but fingers crossed..not happened so far! I love how you can style it as both a cross body bag or just wear it on one shoulder, which is the one I go for most of the time. Makes me feel very Mary Kate. I only ever wear it as a cross body bag if I'm walking on my own at night and am worried someone's going to run past and snatch my bag. Urban Outiftters do a similar one actually.

credit: urbanoutfitters.co.uk

When I saw this in store initially, I got rather excited because I love Urban Outfitters and I love quilted bags. Now after comparing it with the Topshop ones though, I definitely prefer those and plus a. they are cheaper ( 25 pounds compared to UO's whooping 52!) and b. they have more of a variety of designs. The pink snakeskin is particularly gorge. And if you look closely, the Topshop bag is slightly longer and more rectangular-shaped whereas the UO one is a boxier shape which I don't like. The reason for the massive price difference between the two is that the UO is 100% leather wheras the Topshop is polyethene. I've never been very bothered about leather bags..I suppose they last longer but if I wanted a bag that was going to last me 20 years, I wouldn't be buying it in pink snakeskin. Oh and if you're anti-leather that's another reason to go for the Topshop!

Despite all this, I am still very much a UO fan. Walking into UO feels like walking into my dream wardrobe. I scored a fabulous Lux dress in an medium electric blue ( I can't find a picture on the website) and a dark denim skirt and the total came to 20 pounds which is such a bargain, keeping in mind how overpriced UO usually is. I'm happy with my dress especially because I wore it last night and recieved quite a few compliments on it, including from one girl in the queue for Snobs! I always believe compliments more when it comes from randomers because obviously your friends will always say you look nice because a. they're your friends and b. they love you anyway. The girl said she'd seen the same dress at UO earlier that day but they were only left in an XS. That's one of the nice things about being a non-average size I guess. When it comes to sale shopping, it's better to be very small..like a 6 or very big, aka a size 16. It's the inbetweeners that suffer because their sizes get sold out earlier.

If UO is my dream wardrobe, the top floor of Selfridges is my heaven. I literally feel like I have died and woken up in designer heaven. First you come up the escalator, and you're greeted by the sight of a mannequin wearing a Pucci dress and hot pink tights. The mere sight of this makes my heart go pitter-patter. Behind the mannequin are a row of black elegant Stella McCartney and McQueen dresses. Then you walk around and the bag...oh my god..the BAGS. First there were the Marc Jacobs ( I can't remember if the Marc by Marc Jacobs were mixed in with them)..then the Chloe bags. Then the cutest little black motorcyle Balenciaga. I must say I love nearly all designer bags apart from Mulberry. Maybe it's just too English for me.

The shoes are on the same floor. Five years ago I would have gone straight for the shoes. But now I'm definitely a bag girl. I see all these beautiful shoes but I can't wear them! With shoes, it's more a case of 'no pain no gain'. And after five years I decided I couldn't take the pain any longer. Whereas bags don't cause you any pain, they just hang on your arm, similar to but even more fabulous than a cute boyfriend ( especially because they don't complain haha)...and bags are just SO beautiful.

They're just so different. They say different things. The MJ is stylish yet a bit quirky. The Chloe is hip. And the Balenciaga is just pure sex. What more does a girl need?

credit: style.com